Guo Chen
35 Prince
George’s Park Residence 5
Block xx, Singapore 118429
(0065)xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx@gmail.com
Sep 2 2010
Recruitment Team
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Members of the Recruitment Committee:
I enjoyed the campus recruitment talk in NUS and it helped
me gain me some insights into the consulting industry. After consideration of
the job requirement and my personal interest and career objective, I would like
to apply for xxxxxxxxxx position. I think my qualifications and
personalities make me qualified for this job well.
As an electrical engineering student, I have a
strong technical background. My problem solving and fast learning abilities are
well reflected through my internship and technical projects in school. For
example, I learnt a new programming language in three days during my internship
in DSI and solved the insufficient memory problem which troubled the team for a
long time. However, I do not limit my horizon to the technical problem. By studying
relevant courses in business strategies, marketing and human resource
management, I have made a good business proposal to The Body Shop International
Group and solved some business problems.
Besides the hardware knowledge, I also pay attention to the
development of my soft skills. I have joined many activities and held the leadership
position in NUS Chinese Drama Makeup team. My oversea experience of student exchange
program at University of Edinburgh also gained me excellent communication
skills and adaptability. What is more, I am quite open-minded and like learning
new things.
I believe my combination
of technical background and various soft skills is an excellent match of this
position. I am also enthusiastically looking forward to putting my knowledge
and experience into making contribution to xxxxx. Please feel free to contact
me and I hope you could know me better through an interview.
Yours sincerely,
Guo Chen
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I feel your address format does not correspond to any of the three- (Block, modified block or semi-block). Perhaps, you could adopt a block format by aligning your address to the left as well.
Next, I believe you should introduce yourself in the first paragraph instead. In that way, the department will know who they are looking at from the start.
Lastly, you have brought up a good example in the third paragraph showing your adaptability in new situations. However, I feel you might want to link up your skills with the job requirements. Show them how relevant your skills are to the position you are applying.
Overall, aside from the points I have mentioned, I find your letter concise and straight to the point. :) Keep it up!
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if "Dear Members of the Recruitment Committee" is appropriate, because this is seldom seen in other application letters. Usually people use "Dear Sir/Madam" or "Dear Mr. XX" instead.
Also, it would be better that the term DSI could be spelled out so that everyone knows what it is.
Overall, this letter does demonstrate your strong technical and soft skills.Good job!
Hi Alvin
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. For the format, this is not the one they have taught us in class. But I have found it in the career guides so I think it should also be a good template. Besides, after I print out the cover letter, I really found it is not very clear if both the addresses are put on the left. This is the reason I choose this format.
I also want to ask you about how you think I should link my skills with the job. Because it is clearly listed out in the job description that good communication skill, flexibility and problem solving skills are desired. I think I have already shown I have these skills in my letter. Do you think I need to specially say 'my xx skill will benefit me into this job'?
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alvin, you should link up the job requirements with the skills you possess. This will make you stand out, because when applying for a job, most applicants will say that they have quality A and B, skills C and D. What makes you stand out will be how you can contribute to the company.
Another improvement you can make is the proposal to Body Shop International. What was your proposal about, what were the problems that you managed to solve. Just giving a summary would do:)
Wyhow
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others on the fact that directing your application letter to specifically apply for a particular job position, would greatly improve it. Currently, you have a well-written 'testimonial' of your strengths and past achievements; to make it an effective application letter, you ought to direct it at a particular job. That way, you can amplify the relevant good points about yourself, and cut down on things that may not be so applicable.
But honestly, you've had so many wide-ranging experiences and you're really very talented in multiple areas, there doesn't seem to be a single job that can challenge you! (: (I'm quite interested to know your ambition, actually)
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I would like to comment that you had an illustrious working and studying experience in NUS. It definitely showcases your capability and talent in being able to cope with numerous tasks and excel in them and you have demonstrated all those qualities during our project meeting. Well done!!!! :D
However, I would like bring up the fact I agree with the rest that have commented earlier that directing your application letter to specifically apply for a particular job position, would greatly improve it. I believe that by doing so, you can actually highlight and relate your skills and ability to the qualities of the job that the company is looking for. I also think that by putting an advertisement in your post, it could further illustrate the points that our classmates have brought up.
Other than that, ‘clear and concise’ is the phrase to describe your letter. Keep up the good work. :D
Regards,
Sylvester
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteperhaps you should post the job application advertisement as wel? That way, we would know the citeria/requirements etc.
aLviN
Hi Guo Chen,
ReplyDeleteI believe this is a generic cover letter. It’s a little more difficult in assessing the cover letter without any advertisement because we don’t know what we should look out for.
Firstly, like Alvin said, your format should follow the predefined format. This will show the Human Resource department the professionalism in your writing.
Secondly, content wise, I think you focus too much on the academic part. I believe in this modern society what companies are not only look for CAP, but also what you do outside classroom. You only have a short paragraph on what you did outside school. Nevertheless, in the academic part, I could not argue that you are one of the top notch candidates with a lot of work experience. Those are your strong points that you have brought it through. May be you could work on expanding paragraph 3. This essay would be perfect.
In the organization of writing, there is a clear introduction and each body has a very clear topic sentence. Each paragraph contains a single idea which makes it easy for readers. The link between each paragraph is very well done. This is one of the examples of how to use the linking words to tie the whole essay down. Good job.
In the use of language, It is quite concisely written. However, there are some non-persuasive uses of words. “I would like to apply for xxx position” could have been “I am keen to work as xxx for your company.” Besides, in cover letter writing you would want yourself to sound confident. Words like “quite” and “rather” should be avoided. You wrote “I am quite open-minded” the word quite presents you as an unconfident person. You could just write “I am open-minded.” I know this sounds like a boast. However, in a cover letter, you can be confident, only be careful not to be cocky. Otherwise, good job in writing this letter.
Cheers,
Billet